42 year old Lauren Hirtes is facing the quintessential challenges of the sandwich generation. She is taking care of her father who has suffered several heart attacks and a stroke and is also caring for her daughter who is battling bipolar disorder and depression.
“He uses a cane, he’s very forgetful, I do have to help him with appointments, he’s no longer able to drive, so that reduces a lot of his independence and increases his dependence on me.”
Caregivers across the nation face intense stress that prematurely ages them.
42 year old Lauren Hirtes is facing the quintessential challenges of the sandwich generation. She is taking care of her father who has suffered several heart attacks and a stroke and is also caring for her daughter who is battling bipolar disorder and depression.
“He uses a cane, he’s very forgetful, I do have to help him with appointments, he’s no longer able to drive, so that reduces a lot of his independence and increases his dependence on me.”
According to the National Family Caregivers Association and the National Alliance for Caregiving, there are over 40 million Americans who join Lauren in her struggle as a caregiver. Extensive research conducted by the NFCA and the Alliance reveals that while one out of five men and women in the u.s. provides care for an aging or chronically ill loved one over 18, most do not view themselves as caregivers.
“There was a new study that showed that intense stress such as family care giving actually prematurely ages you. You can age as much as ten years, which is extraordinary to think that by giving too much of yourself you are lessening your life and therefore may not be there for the one you love,” says Suzanne Mintz of the National Family Caregivers Association.
Lauren Agoratus says she never expected her life to change so dramatically when her daughter Stephanie was born. “She was born with kidney disease and initially wasn’t expected to survive. She’s my miracle baby and also later was diagnosed with autism,” says Lauren Agoratus.
With hospital bills racking up into thousands of dollars, initially both Lauren and her husband worked full-time including weekends while taking care of Stephanie. “We were middle-class, we didn’t qualify for a thing. We did not qualify for Medicaid, she didn’t qualify for SS, a lot of these programs are income based,” explains Lauren Agoratus.
The Alliance is making a push to raise awareness of the challenges that caregivers, in New York and other cities, face and how caregivers must acknowledge their role, its impact on their lives and their need for help. “You don’t have time to take care of yourself, you put all of your doctor’s appointments, your dentist appointments, the laundry piles so high that you know and you carry all this guilt around,” says Lauren Hirtes.
The Alliance says that relatives, friends, support group members, members in your community or neighborhood can be excellent resources for help. Caregivers must learn to ask and acknowledge when they’re overwhelmed.
“It’s really important for people to understand if they know a family caregiver that they should offer help…but not just say, “Call me, if you need me, but offer very specific help. Can I bring over meals every Tuesday for the next month? Don’t worry about the snow, we’ll take care of it for you,” says Mintz.
The Alliance suggests that family caregivers need to be careful to not burn out. They need to take inventory of how much time they are spending taking care of themselves. As part of their national public education campaign, the Alliance created a comprehensive website, familycaregiving101.org, where caregivers can seek all types of assistance.