Expert Commentary: Angeline N. Beltsos, M.D. - 10/28/2009

2.    Natural Hormonal fluctuations of a woman’s life can change your libido.  Ovulating increases libido but menopause with lower estrogen levels can decrease it.  If you are currently trying to achieve pregnancy, working on having a baby can remove some of the fun and spontaneity.  At Fertility Centers of Illinois, FCI, we try to help couples that are in the baby-making mode, which can become more clinical than sexy.

3.    Emotion is one of the pillars of female sexuality.  Sex for a woman has a huge emotional component.  Stress can be a very negative force during the intimate moments.  Creating the right emotional state is very helpful.

So consider these tools:

1. Schedule time for sex just like you schedule other important things.  Life gets very hectic and at the end of the day, you might be rushing or just not doing it all.  Others, who are in the house, including children, can interfere on these intimate moments.  Finding alone time is critical.
2. Take time for the normal sexual response, i.e. foreplay.  It can take 15-30 minutes before a woman is actually ready for the act.  Be sure to take time for this even if your partner is ready before you.
3. Having relations also keeps your parts lubricated.  Having intercourse more often is helpful in the prevention of vaginal mucosal thinning, which if it occurs can cause intercourse to be more painful and thus less pleasurable.  However, you also have to make this a priority in your life and designate time instead of rushing.
4. Other enhancers include things that you might ingest (vitamins or medicines) or lubricants that you might apply to certain areas.  Herbal medicines may not be as well-tested but may find a place in your repertoire.  Furthermore, there is also the placebo effect of some medicines.  Testosterone either orally or vaginally can help but can also have side effects.
5. Other items including bedroom toys, sexier outfits, and setting the mood with music or candlelight might also be just what you need.

When a lower libido is truly problematic it is clinically called hypoactive sexual desire disorder.  A lower libido is also part of the natural aging process.  Differentiating these may be important for you and your overall health.  Beyond that, it is important that you find peace in the sexual identity you possess today.